Bill..warning. No pictures, recipes or homesteading!

At night, right before bedtime we have "quiet time" My hubby and I take turns laying with our son for 10-15 min after he goes to bed. Kid talks ( mostly nonsense about zombies eating brains and the cat) and we listen and ask questions, talk back....whatever fits. This is my favorite part of every day. I can be tired, cranky, unfit to snuggle, awful, bitchy etc and forcing myself in there to listen to more talking and more weird noises. BUT a few minutes in I relax and we snuggle and chat. Lately I have been telling Kev stories about Bill. Now, Bill was a extra-ordinary person. He was my Great Grandfather. He died one Friday in July 1999. I have missed William Burton "Bill" Langille every day since. He was the most kind, interesting human I have ever met. There were 3 things that "Pop" knew. Salmon fishing, gardening and "Goof". All 3 flowed together and afternoons were spent in the wonderland he created in his backyard getting lessons in picking raspberries and fish composting. I loved that yard and often recall the laughter us 3 girls shared with him and my great grandmother. Madeline Langille was tough as nails and most thought her mean but I adored her. Costume jewellery, a clean house, a love for Bill that was heartbreaking ................AND vodka hidden in the dryer. I wish she was still here( I can picture vodka on her kitchen and stories I would love to hear). She died shortly after Bill. They were only married for 34 years and unknown to me at the time Bill was not my maternal great grandfather. Nan left her first husband and moved to Nova Scotia where she met Pop. They later moved to Salt Lake City where they decided to marry. At the time( wayyyyy back) you were forced to publicly announce your intentions for divorce. Nan had a piece run int he Salt Lake Paper and a Newfoundland Paper. I found this in a tea cup in her china cabinet after she died. It was then that I realized that She has a person who I knew little about. Pop too. Anyways....back to Pop
 IN February 2000 my nephew was born. A avid outdoors man, he brings tears to my eyes because he fishes the same spots Pop took us( no one showed Kaden those spots. He just....found them)I do not think this was an accident.

Pop used to say that " If you sat down long enough a fish would come say Hi Little girl) I have no idea if Pop ever knew our names. We, including my Mudder, were "little girl". He would come home every day with Salmon. He would carefully clean them with the same tools he always had and teach me about compost. See gardening and fishing go hand in hand and Pop knew this. If you mixed salmon guts with the soil beneath your raspberries MAGIC HAPPENED. He grew rows upon rows of raspberries that were as big as our thumbs. We often ate them off our thumbs after a careful picking lesson. I still pick berries the way Pop taught us. Here's another secret for you: Only take the berry. It's harder than you think. Try it. Pop had these massive, thick , working hands ( he was a miner his whole life and died of lung cancer- go figure) and he could pick a berry so carefully that there was not a speck of juice on a finger. When he died, Nan had the yard mowed clean. I personally think it hurt too much to look out the back window.
Your probably wondering what GOOF is????? Well, it's wine in a massive jug. He would slip my Mom some money and she would bring him back a jug from town. it was artfully hidden in his shed from Nan, while her Vodka was tucked away in the dryer.( Now I know why she preferred to hang her clothes...sneaky lady) Goof was a very important part of the gardening/fishing equation.
 I still go visit there grave markers and still to this day I do insist they are on the wrong sides. I just know, from the day we laid those boxes in, that Nan is under Pops name and vice versa.. I could hear her shouting at me during the service. " That's not my side of the bed!!!!!" My Mom insists it's not so...but me and Nan know. One day I will dig them up and put it right.
 The stories about Bill have become soo much a part of our night. Kev can tell them to me now and although he has no idea that Bill is a real person, one day it will click and he will have at least stories of the greatest grandfather there ever was. We didn't know how lucky we were as kids and each spring as I plan my gardening I think of Bill and the thumb berries. Maybe it's a children's book in the future but for now....every night at 7:30 you can hear the story in Kev's room. I don't have a picture ( as digital shit wasn't around for us back then) but I will never forget that little cottage, big yard and old couple. My sister now owns the house. It is empty and I will get there to take some pics before it's gone. I wish we would teach our kids the importance of the wisdom and knowledge of "old people" Our kids need to know about fishing, berries, compost, canning etc. These are things I was too young to learn from my great grandparents and grandfather and now I wish I had paid attention because secret recipes get lost, never written down and the talent in years of work can never be learned without a teacher. Teach your kids EVERYTHING. So they can look back as adults and thank you for that knowledge.

An Ode to Engine, the World's Worst Cat.

Just a Ode to our Cat...as I wipe water off the table, chairs and floors because he NEEDED a drink from a glass on the dinner table. Directly after I shooed him off my flowers( he was snacking) which was directly after stealing some leftovers from the counter. Which was after I peeled him off the insulation in the unfinished bathroom( insulation is fun..could be litter?)

Once apon a time,
October, 2010.
There was a stray,
Found again.
Inside a car,
Burnt and Sore
The S.P.C.A,
They took him in,
Patched him up,
Made him whole again.
A little boy.
He walked on by,
turned around and
took his Dad inside.
Where he called the Mom,
Pleaded and cried.
To take the cat home,
Make him whole inside.
The Mom went down,
Against her will.
Met the cat,
She stayed strong willed...
But she didn't last.
The cat got up, looked at her,
his big round eyes,
they looked soo kind.
His name was Engine,
Kevin said with pride.
The Cat came home,
Turned out they lied...
The cat he grew,
To an enormous size.
He grew and grew,
Got Bad inside.
He loved the boy,
The boy loved him.
But overall he was a sin.
Why does this cat,
Hate us so?
Why does he steal the kids food?
Pee in the sink?
Wake the kid at night to play?
Climb the walls, screen, curtains and more?
Why does he lick his balls so well
On my kitchen counters and still?
On the table, why must he...
Be everything he need not be?
We buy the best for this damn cat,
But still he steals like a big fat rat
The foods I fed the family,
He has a chair, he sits so nice
to keep him off the god damn table.
They feed him scraps,
And trained him so,
To use his paw,
To nab that food
That keeps him fed
While I wish him dead.
Why does he sleep all F'ing day
Just to play the night away.
We love our cat, but fear the worst..
If it goes on, he'll end up back
At that damn store that sold the cat
To a little boy who loves him so.
Dear god why does he love him so,
As that damn cat,
He grows and Grows
He is 17 lbs 2 years later
I hope he gets eaten
By an alligator.
For a great big snack,
He would make
But lets face it,
The cat wont die,
He'll outlive me,
To my shigrin.
I'll never be free,
From that F%^cking cat
Because I like
the F^%#cking cat,
He keeps me up,
All night and day,
I wonder why he bothers to stay
But then I see the way that he,
Kisses a boy who doesn't see,
The issues with that F*^cking cat
For our sweet Boy
Loves his cat
They are now whole,
They two stray beings.
They found each other,
To which I say,
Who cares about Mother!

My ONE reader is whining..............Hi Michelle!

Hello,

 It's been awhile. We have been busy lazy over here. BUT................The Community Garden is back in full swing. We took the kids  our son and The Illegals to the open house about 2 weeks ago where they got their picture taken for the local newspaper. We weeded our two plots and planted our beets, carrots, lettuce and bush beans. We have tons more space to fill up yet!.
Let me tell you a bit about the gardens:
It was started a couple years back by a community organization called YPN ( Young Professionals of Nanaimo) They decided that a good way to use old gas station ground was to build raised beds and start people gardening. I was ALL over this. We live in a condo, with a covered deck so our options are very limited. I was frustrated because in our condo community consisting of 2 large buildings and plenty of space no one BUT ME thought it was beneficial to start a shared garden here. People worried about the cost ( even though I said I would cover it) worried about the "look" of it, the "work" , etc. Basically it all comes down to condo owners don't care. Most people want to think that because they live in a condo they are environmentally friendly.................................WRONG. Lights on, no recycling, no composting for fear of rats( we live in the middle of a city, of course there are rats!) and the dreaded EFFORT of it all. Anyways, Rant over. So the community gardens appealed to me when my friend and fellow hippy Jenine mentioned it. The kids LOVE it and let me tell you a secret. Ready? It's a gooder! Kids will eat anything they help grow. It's also a great science project to watch the growth and see how it all happens from seed to table. It's all around good for everyone involved.  I still have a lot to plant and we haven't made it back to see the growth yet but spring is near( would be here, lol) and that means 4-5 months of excited kids screaming and running around 45 raised beds, checking the gardens. Nothing makes me happier.
 Our small bundle of crankiness turned 4 too! Also a big deal....he made it to 4. I wasn't sure he would survive 3, or 2 for that matter, lol.
 OH!!!!!!!!!! New Illegals joined us, well one has joined our merry band of gardeners, 2 are possibilities. I couldn't be happier as I finally have a decent income and that means.........we will be out of condo HELL living sooner rather than later. Also..hubby needs a new bike, it's his only form of work transportation and his is well.....a death trap.
 OH! OH!! I made my own menstrual pads. I usually have to wear one at night with another form of protection..sigh. Totally sucks to be a girl sometimes. So I have completed my transformation into a hippy. I only use Dr. Bronners, stopped wearing make-up for the most part ( except when Mom comes to town........I don't need the emotional abuse that comes with " Why don't you do something with yourself" ) Bah......couldn't be bothered. I sneak at least 3 vegetarian meals into my family a week. I have a grocery bill "war" going on, secretly of course( this is where the vegetarian comes in, good meat is not cheap...Costco meat is cheap, gag). I LOVEEEEE spending less than everyone else and eating way better foods than everyone else. I have also decided not to purchase any soy products because along with the microwave The Devil' Oven,Soy is The Devil's Meal. Can we say GMO much?? And those of you not paying attention and blindly eating what the government says is fine should be shot. Seriously, shear your wool and get a brain. BAHHHH BAHHHHHHH

Found this beauty hiding under drafts!

Keep Calm and Carry a Wand

[Image]So today was sunday..normally a peaceful beautiful food filled day in our house. Today was not. Friday my son came down with a cold that kept him from "freeschool" and that set a wild unruly angry tone for the weekend. I have to admit before going further that I am a complete germaphobe. I don't generally use commercial/ store bought cleaners but there were GERMS ......nasty, infectious, disgusting GERMS. Out came my old friend the bleach. I am a big believer in baking soda, vinager and tea tree oil as cleaners but when someone gets sick the best thing to do is BLEACH EVERYTHING. Also we take collodial silver which means I don't get sick (no self respecting house elf/mom has the time) my son was already getting over his cold by saturday but of course my husband just kept getting closer to death( aka the flu) He started by sniffling a bit, then the throat clearing started and then the coughing and tissue shoved up the nose.......he was getting nearer to death by the second. By death I mean a cold. Not just any cold....THE MAN FLU. By today he was vomiting at full volume and slipping in and out of conscience......( took one gravol and fell asleep in bed) SOOO my lovely day of planning the spring gardening, cooking, baking etc was over. I am still standing and when I suggested hubby take his dose of silver( I may have said I told you so or mentioned that good handwashing and good witchery have kept me healthy for months) I got the middle finger from the toilet. His loss.

My husband is a super hero.....

I drove home tonight 1.5 hours on a stormy night  alone as my almost 4 year old decided  refused to come home with me. He stayed at the funny farm with the clothes on his back. When I left ( sadly and unsure of leaving him) he was happily listening to Nigel on guitar and playing legos with his cousins surrounded by people and dogs. Part of me is soo proud that he has that confidence and assurance in him, me and our family. Part of me feels very lonely tonight in our 1000 sq. ft. The point....right the point of my post. All the things I want to tell him. All the things I hope for him, want him to be etc. I think Bob Dylan summed it up perfectly in his song "Forever Young"

May god bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every run
May you stay, forever young
May you stay forever young
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young

 As I was pondering everything my little man is, was and will be this song came on the ipod. Sung by Audra Mae. I want to add that I will apologize to him one day for him being sooooo much like me, lol. Stubborn, Quick tempered, moral to a fault, honest to a fault, speaks before he thinks and so on. His father on the other hand............shy, socially awkward, goofy, patient, good, kind. I hope Kevin learns that from his Dad. His Dad is a superhero. Not int he way little boys see their Dads, but in how I see him. He absorbs everything without pause. AND TRUST ME in 8 years I have thrown everything at him and some days everything! We have been through his brother dying at 27 of cancer, several miscarriages, cancer, everything. I am lucky. ON the eve of my follow up Dr's appointment that will either clear me of cancer or tell me we have a few more months to deal with things I am thinking of my husband. We have tried a long time to get pregnant. We got pregnant...........the fates decided for whatever reason that it was cancer, not a life growing inside me. IN the span of a few hours I went from happy pregnant lady at the midwife to laying in the hospital on a bed waiting for surgery. I am soo very lucky that they removed the whole tumour and I recovered swiftly(physically) Unfortunately mentally it has been more than rough. IN the last year alone I have thrown grief,. sadness, happiness, deep depression, fear, anger, fury, frustration, confusion, hate, love and everything in between at my superhero of a husband and through it all he absorbed each emotion and stood silently waiting. It's his quiet way. We are polar opposites and NO ONE from either family, our friends etc gave us a fighting chance. We still fight for it. BUT I married a superhero who picks up my pieces on any given day and moves forward. That my friends is not easy to do with your wife who has often been called hot headed, bitchy, fiery, hard to handle, stubborn, more stubborn...well , you get the picture. 8 years and he still comes back for more. Not all heroes where costumes, have powers you can see or do great, amazing things. Some are just there, quietly waiting to pick up the pieces. That is what I hope my son learns from his Dad. It's not always beautiful and perfect this life we have but it's ALWAYS worth it.........without a doubt.

Cracker Challenge.

 Can I make a cracker that tastes better, costs about the same and the kids will devour???? CHALLENGE!!!!!! SO I pulled out the ole cookie press and got to work. Let me tell you....right away economy went out the window. These little suckers sucked back a whole pound of cheddar( thanks Walmart The DEVILLLL for having it on sale last week) So while I waited for the "illegals" I got to work. Sent Kev off to preschool with his Dad, put clean pants wait...let's all be honest here.......pajama's and a sports bra on, put up my unbrushed hair and went to the kitchen. Now homesteaders will balk at my next move. I shredded a pound of cheddar in my food processor.......not by hand. Sorry but my grandmother would have been  relieved to have one so I will use mine for her. Shout out to NAN! She is dead but maybe will see this..who knows! D you know how much cheddar is a pound? A lot of freakin' cheddar!!!! So without touching the butter, flour etc we are at about a cost of $5. Already Cheese Nips 1, Pam 0. But hey...they will taste better right???

She's not sure I can do this!!

 So here is my recipe.
1 whole pound ( 16 ounces) sharp/old cheddar shredded. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL GOOD AND NATURAL DO NOT BUY A BAG OF PRE-SHREDDED..........PRESERVATIVES PEOPLE PRESERVATIVES. Dust off something electric you lazy bums and shred a damn block of cheese.
1/2 c. softened butter( doesn't matter what kind) AGAIN...if you use margarine I WILL jump out of your laptop and slap you.
A shake of Frank's Red Hot Sauce
So cream that up in a mixer.....do it by hand if your a brave one ( I was not) Now at this point your thinking " WTF, how does ALLL that cheese fit into that little bit of butter"  Trust me..it does.
Add to it...
1 1/2 c flour
Seasoning: I  used onion soup mix..about 2 tsp.

Mix until it forms a ball or log ( Yes it looks like orange poo) The daycare kids illegals thought so anyways.

I used a meat holder ( gag) to make holes

Throw it in the cookie press and make crackers! Don't forget to poke small holes in them if you don't want them puffy.
Oh right....preheat oven to 375. Bake for 10-12 minutes. Makes about 4-5 dozen

I think they taste amazing, cost me about $7.00 to make triple what the Cheese Nips box has. ( 225 grams)) whereas the Cheese Nips cost me $1.98. So was it worth it..........mehhhhhhhh. Waiting on the preschooler taste test.

SUCCESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! They love them! Next time I am going to try with no cheese and ranch flavour. That should cut the cost down below the bought crackers!

Measuring success my way with a hearty side of used coffee grounds.

Lately I have been feeling "less than" Less than a good Mom, less than a good wife and less than successful. I am a stay at home mom. We are not rich, we don't HAVE a lot and I work 2 jobs from home to help make ends meet. Lately I have been noticing the differences in my life and others....the dream house, vacations, money to burn. Today while sweeping dirt from around the illegals ( the daycare kidlets) and feeling "less than" I came to the realization that I HAVE a heck of a lot. I have a crazy wild almost 4 year old boy, a wonderfully loving and patient husband, a HOME, a family and a wonderfully simple life.  Does the rest matter? I don't think it does. If someone had told me I was not successful I would have eaten them alive but because I decided it was so.............it was so. I was comparing myself to people with different values, families, lives. It turns out that this girl right here is VERY "MORE THAN" We live in 1000 sq ft of condo space....yes, I want a farm. We have one vehicle ( it's new..but who cares..it's still a minivan) and a very full life of everything. Life's not always beautiful..trust me, it is not. But I always come out the other end more grateful and happy than I was before. So I tip my hat to those of us who don't keep up with the Jones because I firmly believe that leads us down a path of debt, divorce and despair. I am worth way more than that and so is my family. Onwards and upwards!!! So.......What do you do to re purpose your old coffee grounds? Did you know you could re purpose them? I was standing over the percolator today while it bubbled away and was wondering to myself what I could do with that black mess inside the cup. So I hopped into my shower with a cup of them and scrubbed away....my face and body. Let me tell you that this was close to a miraculous discovery. I mean who would have thought that it would be sooo good to exfoliate all that winter dead skin away with coffee!! It actually made my skin feel alive. Makes sense.............caffeine keeps me from falling asleep in the bread dough why couldn't it liven up the rest of me. I did a little google research today and turns out there is quite a lot we can do to reuse the stuff! I already knew about mixing it into my garden soil for nitrogen replacement. Shout out to my Mudder here...............coffee grounds placed into the base of the blueberry plants makes the blueberries grow bigger, sweeter and more. BUT did you know it acts as a hair softener/shiner? A exfoliate, a pot scrubber, a shower scrubber, fridge deodorizer( dry it out add to bowl, place in fridge..easy peasy) This shit is A.MAZ.ING!!!!!! No pics today.....I used up my grounds before thinking of taking a pic!!. Anyways a recap.....Simple= Fuckin' Awesome, Coffee Grounds = A.MAZ.ING and my life.........damn near beautiful.  Shameless Charity Plug time.....my favorite people, my favorite Non profit society that I would do anything for( My husband fears winning the lotto big) Please take a minute and learn about Cameryn. A very special little girl who started something amazing without even knowing it. www.camerynscause.com. If you have it..give a bit. One day you too might be on the receiving end of a small cheque to pay a bill when you  need it. Nothing is more important than our kids.